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Ragnarok by Joyfool
by Joyfool

There's excellent colour contrast with the blues against the orange ribbon belt and birds in the foreground. The clouds have a lovely e...

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  • Listening to: Coldplay Life in Technicolor II
  • Reading: Online blogs
  • Watching: CNN
  • Playing: Oculus Rift
  • Eating: Chocy bar
  • Drinking: water

I went shopping for a guitar this morning and I went to one of those trendy guitar shops downtown that sells nothing but expensive overpriced guitars. There's one thing I learned very quickly in a store like that. Nothing they sell in a trendy guitar store is about making you a better guitar player, it's about making you a bigger douche bag.

Let me put it this way, how do you spot a man going through midlife crisis at a party? He's the guy holding a $3000 Les Paul Gibson guitar and doesn't have a clue how to play it.

This is the same kind of person who is going through mid life crisis and they buy a motorcycle and the very first motorcycle they buy is a 200 mph Suzuki Hayabusa. And the next two wheeler they get after that if they're lucky is a wheelchair.

So I tell the salesperson in this trendy guitar store I'm a beginner and this is what he sees, a middle aged man who wants to pretend to be a rocker with a $10,000 credit limit on my Mastercard and before we even look at guitars he's trying to sell me $4000 worth of amplifiers. You know, so my neighbours will love me.

Then the salesman says, "If you're going to buy these amps, you're going to need a monitor."

And I'm thinking you mean like a monitor for your computer to control all this equipment with?

And the salesman says no, a monitor is another speaker that sits in front of you between you and the audience and point towards you so you know what you sound like to the audience. Ahh, I can see how knowing what I sound like can be a problem when there's 600 watts of amplifiers sitting right behind me. Because there could be nuclear explosions going off on the back of my head and I won't be able hear it.

And then the salesman is telling me about gels. Do I have any gels? And I'm figuring this is some kind of suave that musicians put on their fingers because of the calluses they get on their hands. No, gels are rotating state lights with alternating colours. What the hell do I need stage lights for? I just told you I'm a beginner! I'm a complete novice!

And the salesman goes, "Well you gotta have stage lights for presence, because, you know, if you don't have stage lights then all you're really doing is just... playing a guitar."

So after pitching a few thousand dollars worth of accessories to me, the salesman finally gets around to showing me guitar. Which apparently is the least important part of the purchase. Since you're going to be a shit player anyway, the most important thing is to buy a guitar that looks impressive rather than do anything decently, so most of what they had were Gibson. Gibson is the big name brand among guitar players. If you're a poser and want to be seen with a guitar, you want that guitar to be a Gibson. Preferably a Les Paul (or a shameless imitation). But when you peel off that Les Paul sticker you can see underneath it says Fisher Price "My First Guitar" in molded plastic underneath. For the ladies this is kinda like buying a $3000 Prada bag and it falls apart just as quickly as a purse you got from the dollar store.

Anyway I didn't buy anything and I wound up buying a guitar from the music school I'm attending. A Fender Stratocaster Squire.

Je Suis Charlie by Patches67
Je Suis Charlie
I'm glad to see the sea of submissions in DeviantArt right now.  There weren't too many people in the art community who stood up for Molly Norris when she was sent into hiding, and there were even many artists who were arguing maybe we should shut the hell up about Islam.  Now I don't feel so alone in standing up for freedom of expression even with the threat of death. 
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  • Listening to: Scooter Megamix
  • Reading: Online blogs
  • Watching: CNN
  • Playing: Oculus Rift
  • Eating: nothing
  • Drinking: water
  • The Middle East Has fractured to the point where it's an unrecoverable mess.  We supported revolutions in hope of giving rise to a democracy, only to find out the revolutionaries are even less interested in democracy than the dictators who ruled them.  Many of them want to instill radical Islamic rule giving rise to groups like ISIS who literally overshadow Al Qaeda.  We are literally looking at a generational conflict that will go on for centuries.  We are facing the reality the only stabilizing force that ever existed for many countries in the Middle East were brutal murdering dictatorships and the world would have been better off if we left them the hell alone. 
  • Russia is acting like a gigantic dick.  And a lot of it has been deliberately orchestrated just to keep political opposition confused and off-balance.  And it's working.  It's working so well there is evidence the rest of the world is adopting the policy just so political powers can retain office. 
  • Robin Williams.  I can't even bring myself to say anything about this. 
  • Mythbusters fired the build team.  FUCK. 
  • Gamergate. As much as we tried to make it about gaming journalism it degraded into a head pissing contest between the sexes.  Any hope of reforming a journalistic industry eventually died when it was drowned out by constant bickering about how wrong the other side was. 
  • Zero tolerance policies have stood their ground despite the fact they have proven to not work and if anything the concept is spreading to piss-poor moderating everywhere amateur moderating takes place.  The concept of measured response has not only been abandoned, the concept has a growing number of detractors who are arguing measured response is offensive and unfair and those detractors are often the people running things.  The very idea of measured response is being shot down by people in charge in favour of a hair-trigger responses that require little or no judgement or wisdom. 
  • Political parties still deny that global warming or climate change is a real thing.  In many modern countries like Australia there has even been a steady reversing trend against environment protection despite the fact the damage to the environment has become more extreme with each passing year.
  • Social Justice Warriors.  There is a genuine issue about lack of accountability from authority, but the rallying point is almost always around people who went out of their way to make trouble for the law.  Yet there are countless people who are the victims of death by law enforcement, such as people being shot to death when the police no-knock raid the wrong house, and no one gives a shit about them.  This makes it impossible for me to sympathise with the movement.
  • SWATTING.  I can't even get the police to show up at my house when some drunk picks a fist fight with me in my own front yard, but some asshole living on the other side of the world can SWAT my ass in five minutes and it costs them nothing. 
  • Death threats on the internet have way too much disproportional attention and response.  Some twat who thinks I said something mean to them on twitter can bum rush me with the RCMP.  In real life I have had my life threatened (to my face) on dozens of occasions by drug addicts, drug dealers, belligerent drunks, and all around assholes when I worked in a hospital and not a single one of them ever spent a night in jail for it.  Not one, and they never will.  But people want to rush me off to federal prison because I went out of my way to point out that Anita Sarkeesian is a fraud and a personality cult.
  • And last but not least Netflix announced it's dropping My Little Pony.  Just fuck you, alright?  FUCK YOU.   
Post your political artwork.  No restrictions in numbers.  But must have a political message! 

Kim Jong Un Assassination by Patches67  Captain Creationism by Patches67  Prophet Muhammad Cartoon Day by Patches67  School Shooting 01 by Patches67
Kim Jong Un Assassination by Patches67
Kim Jong Un Assassination
I wasn't planning on drawing the leader of North Korea getting a bullet through his head when I got up this morning, but you see, some dumb son of a bitch had to open his big mouth and tell me what Seth Rogan movie I'm not allowed to watch.  So this is my WINNER! 
Loading...
  • Listening to: Coldplay Life in Technicolor II
  • Reading: Online blogs
  • Watching: CNN
  • Playing: Oculus Rift
  • Eating: Chocy bar
  • Drinking: water

I went shopping for a guitar this morning and I went to one of those trendy guitar shops downtown that sells nothing but expensive overpriced guitars. There's one thing I learned very quickly in a store like that. Nothing they sell in a trendy guitar store is about making you a better guitar player, it's about making you a bigger douche bag.

Let me put it this way, how do you spot a man going through midlife crisis at a party? He's the guy holding a $3000 Les Paul Gibson guitar and doesn't have a clue how to play it.

This is the same kind of person who is going through mid life crisis and they buy a motorcycle and the very first motorcycle they buy is a 200 mph Suzuki Hayabusa. And the next two wheeler they get after that if they're lucky is a wheelchair.

So I tell the salesperson in this trendy guitar store I'm a beginner and this is what he sees, a middle aged man who wants to pretend to be a rocker with a $10,000 credit limit on my Mastercard and before we even look at guitars he's trying to sell me $4000 worth of amplifiers. You know, so my neighbours will love me.

Then the salesman says, "If you're going to buy these amps, you're going to need a monitor."

And I'm thinking you mean like a monitor for your computer to control all this equipment with?

And the salesman says no, a monitor is another speaker that sits in front of you between you and the audience and point towards you so you know what you sound like to the audience. Ahh, I can see how knowing what I sound like can be a problem when there's 600 watts of amplifiers sitting right behind me. Because there could be nuclear explosions going off on the back of my head and I won't be able hear it.

And then the salesman is telling me about gels. Do I have any gels? And I'm figuring this is some kind of suave that musicians put on their fingers because of the calluses they get on their hands. No, gels are rotating state lights with alternating colours. What the hell do I need stage lights for? I just told you I'm a beginner! I'm a complete novice!

And the salesman goes, "Well you gotta have stage lights for presence, because, you know, if you don't have stage lights then all you're really doing is just... playing a guitar."

So after pitching a few thousand dollars worth of accessories to me, the salesman finally gets around to showing me guitar. Which apparently is the least important part of the purchase. Since you're going to be a shit player anyway, the most important thing is to buy a guitar that looks impressive rather than do anything decently, so most of what they had were Gibson. Gibson is the big name brand among guitar players. If you're a poser and want to be seen with a guitar, you want that guitar to be a Gibson. Preferably a Les Paul (or a shameless imitation). But when you peel off that Les Paul sticker you can see underneath it says Fisher Price "My First Guitar" in molded plastic underneath. For the ladies this is kinda like buying a $3000 Prada bag and it falls apart just as quickly as a purse you got from the dollar store.

Anyway I didn't buy anything and I wound up buying a guitar from the music school I'm attending. A Fender Stratocaster Squire.

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Patches67
Media Terrorist
Artist | Hobbyist | Digital Art
Canada
Current Residence: Kingston
Operating System: Vista
MP3 player of choice: Creative
Favourite cartoon character: Tinkerbell
Personal Quote: Stand for something or stand aside to make room for someone who does
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Comments


Add a Comment:
 
:icon1886:
1886 Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2015   Artist
2010 
Reply
:iconeternaldream15:
Eternaldream15 Featured By Owner Dec 20, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks for the llama~
Reply
:iconguski:
Guski Featured By Owner Dec 20, 2014  Student Digital Artist
Thanks for the llama.
Reply
:iconrappel82:
Rappel82 Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2014   Artist
:iconcail::iconabe::icondez:
Reply
:iconzerozero204:
Zerozero204 Featured By Owner Jul 24, 2014
Happy Birthday, Patches! May Pippi not be allowed to deliver your cake by incoming flying drone.
Reply
:iconpatches67:
Patches67 Featured By Owner Jul 25, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you!  I'm going out to party, eat Italian food, and get drunk.
Reply
:iconheytomemeimhome:
Heytomemeimhome Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2014
You  are totally awesome....
Reply
:iconlorddarkstarr:
LordDarkstarr Featured By Owner Mar 2, 2014
Eureka! I know why we need all these :thumb362390206: neko meido (cat maids) to save the world! We're under attack by filth-loving space rodents! The cat ears and tails are to scare them off (because we all know that mice fear cats!) and the maid outfits are to fool them into thinking that we're going to clean up their mess!

I am a GENIUS Mwa ha ha ha ha!Boogie!

Or is that simply that I'm completely insane? Stupid Me! 
Reply
:iconpoodlekat56:
PoodleKat56 Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2013
 Thanks for the llama!  :iconcutellama-plz::iconcutellama2-plz:  Here's one for you, too!
Reply
:iconprincesaflama34567:
princesaflama34567 Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2013
thanks for the llama!!Nyuu (Tee hee) [V1] Nyuu (Tee hee) [V1] 
Reply
Add a Comment: