I'm talking about whenever people make a post about something that involves a top ten. Like Top Ten Useless Wanker movies. Or five things women like to see in men coming onto them that doesn't come across as creepy or make them want to call the cops right away. That sort of thing.
- Actually make a list. Whenever you post a title Five Ways On How To Do Stuff I better see some numbers or five clearly marked bullet points. Many people just make this one long rambling paragraph and leave it up to the reader to decipher what five points came out of it. Online news articles do this all the time. And whenever I try to deconstruct these articles to figure out whatever five points they were trying to make, I can usually only find three or four.
- Whenever you're making a Top Ten list that's building up to "The Number One Thing Of All Time" PUT THE LIST IN REVERSE ORDER. Never open up with number one. That just means the reader is going through a list of things that are increasingly awful. You have to give the reader something to look forward too. Always start at the bottom and work your way up so when they reach the last "-and the number one thing of all time is" and then go TAA DAAA, post number one.
- Bullet points. Once again this is the jerk who crams everything together into one paragraph leaving it for the reader to decipher what the major points were. Since they saw no point in listing them in a numerical order as each point within doesn't have greater or lesser perceivable value (as this list you are currently reading is) they just fail to separate points. Bullet points online people, you can do it and it's extremely easy.
- Show incredibly poor judgement as to what actually belongs on a top-anything list. A lot of people have bad taste and their top ten is a deep disturbing look into their soul. Personally, I don't know how many times I looked at "Top Unknown Animated Films" or "Christmas Classics" and some cross dressing Jabberwocky puts Adam Sandler's Eight Crazy Nights on the list. The only top ten that belongs on is "Top Ten Xmas Films I Want To Commit Suicide To". Seriously, you post this, forget you and all your siblings.
- When not it's not showing poor taste it's showing extremely poor imagination. Oh look what's on top of the greatest Christmas classics of all time, It's A Wonderful Life and A Christmas Story. Jesus I never would have guessed that on my own. Try using a Top Ten list to bring attention to something that both needs and deserves it.
- Screw up the number order. If you got OCD this is the person you want to shoot in the face. They promise you a top ten but only deliver nine. Or deliver eleven because they thought of something at the last minute and decided to cram it in there without any thought. It's rare, but when it happens, it's frustrating as hell. To prove my point it's what I did to this list. How do you feel? It's not good, is it? So don't do that.
- Run out of ideas and just start to ramble because they thought "I promised ten points but only thought of eight" so they just carelessly throw stuff in there wasting the reader's time and effort and completely disqualifying their own work in the reader's eye.
- Wander off topic. Like make a list of something that's top ten of a genre, and then put something in it that clearly does not belong there. You could literally make a top ten list of "Top Ten Films That Don't Belong on a Sci Fi List But Some Idiot Always Puts Them In There."
- Lousy wrap up. Don't leave the last part dangling. Wrap it up like a saucy Walter Cronkite "And that's the way it is, suckers".